Besties and Hobbies

Who are your besties mamu? asked my little one who is not so little anymore. She has her besties at school. It used to be her one best friend, and now she has a couple of them. So clear cut, and simple, I thought. 

The question took me by surprise and I was lost in my thought as she blurted out the names of friends that she has heard of, those I speak to or speak about everyday. All I could say was yes, all of them are my besties in different contexts.

It took me back to the session with my counsellor recently when she asked - What are your hobbies? I thought these were questions for your slam book, children at school think about these things - Hobbies. Hobbies are done in free time. Is there any free time? what is this concept of free time? how is anyone ever free, and have time? 

I thought I had heard her wrong, did you actually ask about my hobby? i asked. Yes, she said, what do you like to do when you have time? I wore the look of - Seriously? you are acutually asking me about this look. I work, like 12 hours a day, what else would you like me to do? I did not say that but, put it as gently as i could to mean it. 

She nodded as if she could empathize, yes, i know, our work is such that we cannot even think of anything else. But now that you have some time in your hand, you should go back to your hobby. I asked her an example of what she meant by a hobby, just to buy time, I actually did. She said like reading, painting... 

I read, i said, i love to read. Actually i read so much on paper and on screen that my eyes have started to hurt. 

Well, i kept the latter part to myself. But i made that point very weakly that i read, but i was not sure it was a hobby. It was much more to be than just a hobby. I live and breathe books, but i also read lots of other stuff, emails, online materials, strategy papers, about organizations, children's book reviews to check whether something is okay for my kid. Where does reading as a hobby start and end, what demarcates reading for fun, and reading to stay updated, to learn, reading by choice and reading to earn? 

I used to sketch, I added as the pause grew longer. You should go back to sketching, she said, whatever that gets you to that relaxed mode when you can. Yes, i said, but a doubtful one. I did not see myself having the patience to sit down and sketch. I know that is the best time to go in my Flow, and the only time when i cannot say literally whether it is day or night outside if the curtains are drawn. But i think i have lost it. 

I will have to find it, but for the moment, i have lost it. 

 Besties. Hobbies. Games. 

 Finding the child in you. 

 Loving without reason. 

 Nostalgia of a world goneby, idealistic and happy. 

 But I am still hopeful that like my besties that I have in different contexts, I will find my hobbies, and will sketch and be in my flow not too far in the future.